#respect

5 public notes

Shared laughter should leave everyone included

A joke can create closeness, but the person it targets may experience it differently from the people laughing. If someone asks you to stop teasing about a subject, that information matters more than your intention to be funny. Warmth depends partly on how the humour is received.

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disagreement

Keep a disagreement about the issue in front of you

A disagreement becomes harder to resolve when one action turns into a verdict on someone's character. The kitchen was left untidy describes a situation. You are always selfish adds a much larger accusation. Keeping the issue specific makes it clearer what needs to change.

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invitations

An invitation should leave room for a comfortable no

An invitation is easier to trust when declining does not trigger pressure. Someone may appreciate being included and still lack the time or energy to attend. Offering a clear choice, then accepting the answer, allows closeness without making participation a test of affection.

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boundaries

A boundary describes what you will participate in

A boundary clarifies your own participation and limits. Saying that you will pause a conversation if shouting begins explains what you will do. It differs from demanding control over another person's feelings or choices. The boundary concerns your action, even when you cannot control theirs.

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apology

An apology should identify what you did

A useful apology names the action rather than placing the problem entirely in the other person's reaction. I interrupted you twice identifies something you can take responsibility for. I am sorry you felt ignored leaves unclear whether you recognise any part in what happened.

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